ever since..

ever since that day he told me about his decision and that he had let the whole world know about it, my world changed.

in order to know wat exactly is the situation and oso try to see if i can still do something for one last time, i went back there to discuss with him. it was agreed i must follow wat he wants and stop completely my old doings. i was like living in hell for the past two weeks...it was so tough for me...i knw wat my heart want but then i also know vy well wat is right n wrong. & worst of all, somebody promised something but nvr kept it and that make me worried and full of fears...

well, if to really follow my character, i reli don even gv a damn on how people would say because everyone has different say and e more i hear, the more messed up m i. they not in my situation they can comment wat ever they like but they still not me n i hv the right to make my own decision at the end of the day...

but then, thr's one problem abt me. i e kind of person who alwys wan to pls everyone ended up i m suffering. i tried to please here n please there but in the end, i actually upset everyone....the good behavior that i supposed to hold on, didnt even last long. sometimes i appeared to be here, sometimes i appeared to be there. both way, i not happy. i wanted to make things good but there's no way for things to be good unless i learn to let go something!!!!!!! no matter how hard it is, let go and walk away from it. especially if it is hurts.

& Yes today im doing it....i m devastating...both sides upset with me now bcos one side said i not sincere enuf and i hiding something the othr one said disappointing with me bcos of the harsh words i said....i don hv a choice....i duno how to be nice anymore bcos i wan a secure life...if i not be harsh, i will put myself in deeper shit................IM SO SO SORRY FOR ALL THE SHITS.....!!!!!!!

I really need a big hug now....i feel so hurt!!!!!!!!!!