[what am I up to lately]

I have not been here for a month, exactly one month after my last posting.

I have almost forgotten I owned such a blog, until today, when I hv no mood to work, I chatted with Wei, and she asked me to read her blog, suddenly I recall, I too have a blog which I used to update quite frequently but now, I have abundant it!

Don't know what is in my mind lately! What am I doing? What is my vision? What is my life?? I have not been doing a lot of things that I used to do, I was just wasting my time doing things that were not benefit my life, my marraige, my career, & I'm still doing it now.

So fed up with myself. Don't know what is the purpose of life, although I do have a book by that title, but never read. I want to have a better life, improve my lifestyle, improve myself, and yet I am going backwards now. So frustrated, so irritating!

Now I really don't know what myself want. Leaving God, Leaving Friends, Leaving Families...live by myself, and die eventually???!!! Don't know...so empty inside..so lost..and so heart pain see someone trying so hard to pull me back to where I suppose to be & I still don't co-operating!! What am I waiting for? Or maybe I am just helpless, couldn't find the way back................ I guess so!